I\u2019m writing you this letter to tell you that I\u2019m leaving you for good. I\u2019ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.<\/p>\n
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.<\/p>\n
Last week, you came home & didn\u2019t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.<\/p>\n
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don\u2019t tell me you love me anymore; you don\u2019t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.<\/p>\n
Either you\u2019re cheating on me or you don\u2019t love me anymore; whatever the case, It\u2019s over and I am leaving.<\/p>\n
Your EX-Husband
\nP.S. don\u2019t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!<\/p>\n
Dear Ex-Husband,
\nBelieve me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It\u2019s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you\u2019ve been.<\/p>\n
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn\u2019t seem to work.<\/p>\n
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was \u2018You look just like a girl!\u2019 And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can\u2019t say something nice, I decided not to comment.<\/p>\n
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.<\/p>\n
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.<\/p>\n
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.<\/p>\n
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won\u2019t get a dime from me. So take care.<\/p>\n
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
\nP.S. I don\u2019t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that\u2019s not a problem!<\/p>\n
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m writing you this letter to tell you that I\u2019m leaving you for good. I\u2019ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5734,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t