{"id":3363,"date":"2024-07-18T22:56:36","date_gmt":"2024-07-18T22:56:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aboutlife.press\/?p=3363"},"modified":"2024-07-18T22:56:36","modified_gmt":"2024-07-18T22:56:36","slug":"an-old-lady-is-speeding-down-a-highway-when-she-spots-a-police-officer-with-a-speed-gun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aboutlife.press\/?p=3363","title":{"rendered":"An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The officer motions for her to pull over, then approaches up and asks her, smiling: \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m late for work.\u201d \u201cSure,\u201d the officer replies, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a rectal distender.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA what?\u201d A rectal distender? \u201cWhat exactly is that?\u201d \u201cWell, you see, I start with one finger, then another, and so on, until the entire hand is in. I work from side to side until I can fit both hands in, and then I slowly but steadily enlarge the rectum until it\u2019s approximately 6 feet wide.\u201d\u201cAnd what the hell do you do with a 6 feet asshole?\u201d \u201cGive him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The officer motions for her to pull over, then approaches up and asks her, smiling: \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m late for work.\u201d \u201cSure,\u201d the officer replies, \u201cWhat&#8230; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3364,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.8 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The officer motions for her to pull over, then approaches up and asks her, smiling: \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m late for work.\u201d \u201cSure,\u201d the officer replies, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a rectal distender.\u201d \u201cA what?\u201d A rectal distender? 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