STORY 1: \u201cI\u2019m scared,\u201d Johnny said to one of his friends, \u201cI got a letter from a guy who said he\u2019d break my legs if I didn\u2019t stop seeing his wife.\u201d
\n\u201cWell,\u201d replied his friend, \u201cI guess you\u2019ll have to stop seeing his wife.\u201d
\n\u201cEasy for you to say,\u201d
\n\u201cYou like her that much?\u201d the friend asked. \u201cIt\u2019s not that,\u201d declared Johnny, \u201cHe didn\u2019t sign his name.\u201d<\/p>\n
STORY 2: This guy\u2019s wife gets a cat and he hates it. So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out.
\nWhen he gets home, the cat\u2019s sitting there on the front porch. So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat\u2019s sitting there again on the front porch.<\/p>\n
Well, the guy\u2019s furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can\u2019t \ufb01gure out where he is.
\nSo that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It\u2019s her husband. He asks, \u201cIs the cat there?\u201d
\nShe says, \u201cYes.\u201d
\nThe guy says, \u201cI\u2019m lost.
\nPut the cat on the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
STORY 3: A man was in a bar with his buddies, recounting the events of the previous week. It was payday the previous Friday, so he had decided to stay out with his friends for a spot of drinking. An evening out turned into a whole weekend of partying, and he only returned home on Sunday night, to bear his wife\u2019s inevitable wrath.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy wife wasn\u2019t too pleased that I didn\u2019t show up for a whole weekend,\u201d he said. \u201cWhat did she say to you?\u201d asked his buddies. \u201cWell, she just nagged for what seemed like an eternity, then at one point, she asked me how I\u2019d like it if I didn\u2019t see her for two or three days,\u201d he replied.
\n\u201cAnd what did you say?\u201d they asked. \u201cI told her it would be fine by me!\u201d
\n\u201cSo did she leave?\u201d
\n\u201cWell no, she didn\u2019t leave, but the joke\u2019s on her. On the third day, my left eye opened up a little bit.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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