Everyone needs some comedic relief once in a while, and the following ten stories about different drivers will have you cracking up in no time! Grab a beverage and delve into these tales, they\u2019re guaranteed to have you splitting your sides!
\nWe can bet good money these stories will have you howling within seconds. From jokes about two elderly women driving together to a truck driver with a talking emu, buckle up because you\u2019re in for a ride!
\nHeaven Is Not for Everyone
\nA priest and a taxi driver both passed away on the same day and found themselves at the gates of Heaven, where St. Peter was waiting for them.
\n\u201cPlease follow me,\u201d St. Peter said to the taxi driver, waving his hand.
\nThe taxi driver followed obediently, and soon St. Peter led him to a massive mansion. It had everything one could imagine: an indoor theater, a heated pool, and even a personal golf course!<\/p>\n
\u201cWow, thank you!\u201d said the taxi driver, astonished and pleased with his good fortune in the afterlife.
\nThen, St. Peter turned to the priest, who seemed anxious and excited to see where he\u2019d land. St. Peter led him to a small, run-down cabin. Inside was a creaky bunk bed and an old black-and-white TV with spotty reception.
\n\u201cExcuse me, but isn\u2019t there a mistake?\u201d asked the shocked priest. \u201cI was a PRIEST. I devoted my life to serving the church and spreading God\u2019s word.\u201d
\nSt. Peter nodded thoughtfully. \u201cTrue, but during your sermons, people fell asleep. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!\u201d
\nBus Driver Versus the Elderly
\nA tour bus driver was cruising around town with a bus full of elderly folks when, suddenly, a little old lady tapped him on the shoulder. She smiled while handing him a handful of peanuts. Gratefully, he munched them down, thinking, \u201cOlder people are generous and kind.\u201d
\nAbout fifteen minutes later, she tapped him again and offered him another handful of peanuts, and he happily ate them.
\nThis happened a few more times until, out of curiosity, he finally asked, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you all eat the peanuts yourselves? Maybe pass them around to the rest of the passengers?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, don\u2019t worry about us, dear,\u201d the old woman said with a sweet, toothless smile. \u201cWe just love sucking the chocolate off them.\u201d
\nThe Stranded Driver and the Horse
\nAn out-of-towner accidentally drove his car into a ditch on a lonely stretch of road. Fortunately, a local farmer spotted him and came over with his big, strong horse named Buddy. The farmer offered to assist and hitched Buddy to the car before shouting, \u201cPull, Nellie, pull!\u201d
\nBuddy didn\u2019t budge.
\nThen the farmer called out, \u201cPull, Buster, pull!\u201d
\nBuddy stayed still.
\nOnce more, the farmer shouted, \u201cPull, Jennie, pull!\u201d
\nAgain, Buddy didn\u2019t move.
\nFinally, the farmer casually said, \u201cAlright, pull, Buddy, pull!\u201d And just like that, Buddy easily pulled the car out of the ditch!
\nThe motorist, grateful but puzzled, asked the farmer why he had called Buddy by different names before finally using his own.
\nThe farmer chuckled and replied softly so the horse couldn\u2019t hear, \u201cWell, Buddy\u2019s blind. If he thought he was pulling alone, he wouldn\u2019t even bother trying!\u201d
\nPolice Officer Versus Driver
\nA driver got pulled over by a female police officer for speeding.<\/p>\n
As she was writing up his ticket, she happened to glance inside his car and noticed several machetes lying on the passenger seat.
\n\u201cWhat are those for?\u201d she asked, clearly suspicious.
\n\u201cI\u2019m a juggler,\u201d the driver explained. \u201cThey\u2019re props for my act.\u201d
\nThe officer raised an eyebrow, feeling uncertain. \u201cProve it,\u201d she demanded.
\nSighing, the driver stepped out, grabbed the machetes, and began juggling them. He started with three, then added more until he was juggling seven at once! He tossed them overhand, underhand, even behind his back, dazzling the officer!
\nA passing driver slowed down, did a double-take, and muttered to himself, \u201cMan, I really need to quit drinking! Look at the sobriety tests they\u2019re using now!\u201d
\nA Truck Driver and His Emu
\nOne Monday, a truck driver strolled into a diner off the highway with a full-grown emu following close behind.
\nThe waitress approached and asked for his order.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll take a burger, fries, and a coffee,\u201d the truck driver said. He glanced at the emu, \u201cWhat about you?\u201d
\n\u201cSounds good to me. Same for me, please,\u201d the emu replied.
\nHaving seen it all, the waitress brought their food and told them, \u201cThat\u2019ll be $10.50.\u201d
\nThe truck driver reached into his pocket, pulled out the exact change, and handed it over!
\nThe next ay, the duo returned. He ordered the same meal, and the emu echoed, \u201cSame for me, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
Once again, the waitress charged him the same price, and he reached into his pocket, producing the exact change!
\nThis continued for several days. Then, one evening, they walked in again, and the waitress asked, \u201cThe usual?\u201d
\n\u201cNope, it\u2019s Friday night. I\u2019ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad,\u201d said the truck driver.
\nThe emu chimed in, \u201cSounds great\u2026 same for me.\u201d
\nThe waitress brought their food and said, \u201cThat\u2019ll be $32.65.\u201d
\nWithout missing a beat, the truck driver reached into his pocket and, once again, had the exact change!
\nFinally, the waitress couldn\u2019t contain her curiosity. \u201cAlright, I have to know. How do you always have the exact change on you every single time?\u201d
\nThe truck driver grinned. \u201cWell, a few years back, I was cleaning out my shed and stumbled on an old lamp. When I polished it up, a genie popped out and granted me two wishes. My first wish was that anytime I had to pay for something, I could just reach in my pocket, and the exact change would be there.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s brilliant!\u201d said the impressed waitress. \u201cNo need for a million bucks\u2026 you\u2019ll never run out of money!\u201d
\n\u201cExactly,\u201d said the truck driver, smiling. \u201cWhether it\u2019s a pack of gum or a new car, I\u2019ve always got the exact amount!\u201d
\nThe waitress, ill eyeing the emu, finally curiously asked, \u201cSo, what about the bird?\u201d
\nThe truck driver sighed and shrugged. \u201cWell, my second wish was for a tall bird with long legs and a great personality who\u2019d agree with everything I say.\u201d
\nCab Driver Versus Drunk Passengers
\nAfter picking them up, the cab driver quickly realized his passengers were drunk, so he decided to have a little fun. He started the engine, let it idle for a few minutes, and then turned it off.<\/p>\n
With a straight face, he turned to his passengers and said, \u201cWe\u2019re here! You\u2019ve arrived at your destination!\u201d
\nThe first guy fumbled for his wallet, handed the driver some cash, and stumbled out of the car. The second passenger thanked him as he followed suit, handing him his fare.
\nBut the third man suddenly leaned in and slapped the cab driver across the face! Shocked, the driver thought, \u201cMaybe this one wasn\u2019t as drunk as I thought!\u201d
\n\u201cHey, what was that for?\u201d he protested, rubbing his sore cheek.
\nThe third guy slurred, \u201cWatch your speed next time! You almost got us all killed!\u201d
\nElderly Woman Offered a Ride
\nA woman was driving back from a business trip when she spotted an elderly lady walking along the side of the road. It was a long, lonely drive, so she pulled over and offered her a ride. Grateful, the elderly woman thanked her and climbed in.
\nAs they continued down the road, they exchanged small talk until the elderly lady\u2019s eyes fell on a brown bag sitting on the floor of her passenger seat. Curiously, she asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s in the bag?\u201d
\nThe woman glanced down at it and replied, \u201cOh, it\u2019s a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband.\u201d
\nThe elderly woman paused, then nodded with a knowing smile and said, \u201cGood trade.\u201d
\nThe Scientist and His Driver
\nOne of the world\u2019s top scientists was on his way to an important conference when he turned to his driver, who happened to resemble him a bit, and sighed, \u201cI\u2019m so TIRED of these conferences. I keep giving the same talk over and over!\u201d<\/p>\n
The driver nodded. \u201cYou know, I\u2019ve been to every one of your talks, and even though I\u2019m no scientist, I think I could give your speech with ease by now.\u201d
\nThe scientist chuckled, then had a sudden idea. \u201cWhy don\u2019t we switch places? You can give the talk, and I\u2019ll take a break!\u201d
\nThey swapped clothes, and as soon as they arrived, the driver, now dressed as the scientist, confidently walked onto the stage and began delivering the usual lecture. The real scientist, now disguised as the driver, took a seat in the audience.
\nEverything was going smoothly until a man in the audience, eager to show off, raised his hand and asked an incredibly complicated question, hoping to stump the \u201cscientist.\u201d
\nThe entire room fell silent, waiting for the response. But without missing a beat, the driver looked the man square in the eye and replied, \u201cSir, your question is so simple that I\u2019ll let my driver here answer it for you.\u201d
\nDriver Versus Farmer
\nA driver was cruising down the highway when, out of nowhere, a calf darted across the road. Unable to stop in time, he accidentally hit the young animal. Feeling guilty, he tracked down the calf\u2019s owner and explained what had happened, then asked, \u201cWhat would the calf have been worth?\u201d
\nThe farmer scratched his head and replied, \u201cWell, right now it\u2019s worth about $200. But in six years, it would\u2019ve been worth $900. So that\u2019s what I\u2019m losing out on, $900.\u201d
\nThe driver nodded deep in thought, sat down, and wrote out a check.
\nHanding it to the greedy farmer, he said, \u201cHere\u2019s a check for $900\u2026 postdated six years from now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Two Elderly Ladies on the Road
\nTwo senior ladies were out for a leisurely Sunday drive, both barely able to see over the dashboard. As they approached an intersection, the light was red, but they cruised right through it! The passenger blinked, wondering if she was imagining things. \u201cDid we just run a red light?\u201d she thought.
\nA few minutes later, they approached another red light and, once again, sailed straight through! Now the passenger was almost sure something was off, but part of her still wondered if she was mistaken.
\nDetermined to pay close attention, she watched intently as they came to a third intersection. The light turned red, and yet again, they breezed through it!
\n\u201cSusan!\u201d she shouted, finally unable to hold back. \u201cDo you realize we\u2019ve just blown through three red lights? We could have been killed!\u201d
\n\u201cOh!\u201d Susan replied, looking startled. \u201cWait\u2026 am I driving?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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